Date your spouse. It’s a term you’ve heard before. I don’t know if I love it to be honest because really it’s not like dating anymore at all. Dating was completely carefree and fun. Now, it’s fun but it’s not as carefree. We have to check in with each other and we’re constantly thinking about bubs while we are out. I get the sentiment of the saying and I’m not even saying it’s bad. I just don’t know if I love it. And that’s ok.
We need to go on “dates” in order to catch up. Life gets so busy when you are running a household with people other than just yourselves. Satan can attack your marriage at any given moment. Don’t be fooled by the fact that the little “I don’t like my husband right now” comment that is considered funny isn’t Satan wiggling his way in a bit. I don’t even get why people say that anymore. Of course J gets on my nerves. I’m only human. BUT GUESS WHAT?! I get on his nerves too. I’m just as annoying as he is. We are two people living to annoy each other. But, really, why did that saying become so widely accepted? Why is it so acceptable to put your spouse down in front of your friends? Why is it acceptable to talk to multiple people about issues you may be having? All marriages have problems. We are imperfect people coming together and trying to build a life unselfishly. It’s not an easy task. It’s a gift from God but many of us are squandering that gift but saying those little widely accepted terms, like “I don’t like you right now, but I have to love you.” You are allowing Satan to have a foothold in your marriage. You are opening the door for him to walk right in and start whispering other little nasty thoughts in your head. This is why we need dates to check in, laugh, and have a meaningful evening together that isn’t rushed in order to make it to bed on time. The minute you stop checking in with your spouse-especially those of us with kids, is the minute you allow a crack in your marriage to start. That crack can grow overtime if you don’t pay attention. That crack can cause hurtful words to be said more often. That crack can cause children to realize that something just isn’t right. That crack can cause a divorce. All because you weren’t willing to put everything else aside for a bit and focus on your spouse.
You need family and friends that you can talk to. In my opinion, you need one good friend that you can confide in. One that will point you to God in your marriage. One that will help you navigate the problem you are having without putting your spouse down in the process. There is never going to be a perfect marriage because there is only one perfect person and he already died and rose again for you. You need to run to Christ when you have an issue in your marriage rather than running your mouth at bible study and asking for prayer. You need to run to that one friend that will point you to God and maybe to counseling if you need it. The reason I say friend by the way, is because I personally don’t think it’s healthy to complain to any family members about your spouse. You are either talking to your family of whom grew up with you and doesn’t need to be left with a bad taste in their mouths about their in law or you are talking to your spouses’ family, of which is ridiculous. Their son or daughter hung the moon and you better think the same thing. Find Christ and find one friend. I also say one friend because not everyone needs to know your business. Marriage is sacred. Treat it as such. It’s a gift we’ve been given and it isn’t protected often enough anymore. Quit saying how you don’t like your spouse right now. Be the odd ball and talk about how amazing your spouse is. It’s incredible how talking about your spouse in a good light can change your mindset without you even meaning to.
So J and I got to go on a date and check in. We desperately needed it. We had just been passing by each other it seemed. It was so good to check in and realize that the man I had been annoyed by for the last couple of weeks was the man I fell in love with. Life gets a little crazy but don’t let Satan ruin what you have by your words, lack of quality time, or thoughts. Don’t give him that kind of power. My marriage is built on Gods word and I intend to protect it. Even when we aren’t on the same page and I’m not as “happy” as I’d like to be. God blessed me with a wonderful man and I need to protect him and his heart by the words I speak and the actions I take. It takes a lot of work and effort but it’s worth it. More than worth it.
**If you aren’t able to get a night away, because to be honest it’s hard to sometimes. Find a time when you can sit after the kids go to bed and just talk or get up early together and have time to spend together before the day gets started. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it is worth the time and effort. If your spouse just doesn’t care or isn’t on board with going out or spending time together in without the TV on, then start praying for your spouse. Pray that they would be open to spending that time with you and pray for your heart. Pray that it wouldn’t be hardened towards your spouse during this difficult and irritating time. I realize that is easier typed than done sometimes. God will honor your prayers though. In the meantime, if you need to seek out a counselor for help, do so. It isn’t a sign of failure. Just try to find a christian based counselor that can help you with Godly advice and practical tips.