In the new year I have goals. I don’t have resolutions really. More like goals and prayers. J and I were able to have a date weekend after Christmas and this allowed us uninterrupted time to talk about our goals and prayers for the new year. Here’s one of mine. You’ve read the other 4 hopefully, and now this is the big one. This is THE prayer of my heart for me and my family.
Relationships. Relationships in general. If I’m honest, I hadn’t made Tulsa home home. I didn’t necessarily try not to, but I didn’t work at it. There are a lot of factors here. One day I will explain it all on here, but relationships are a goal this year. First and foremost, I want to get to know God better. I want to spend more time with Him daily. Listening to His voice. Reading His word. I want to know Him more intimately. This is a goal every year and it is one I strive for every year. God knows my heart and knows that I am trying in this crazy busy season of life. But I need to give time to the one who has given me such an amazing blessed crazy life.
I want to get to know women in Tulsa better. I want to make real friends here. Not the casual, “hey, how are you?” friends that you see twice a year and run into at the grocery store. But the intentional friendships that care about how you are doing, point you to Christ, and know you for who you are but don’t judge you. I would also love for a good majority of those friends to have kids. I need mom friends that I can walk through motherhood with. Believe me, I want all kinds of friends. I think surrounding yourself with all different kinds of people is important. You can learn a lot from others. But I NEED those girlfriends that want to laugh together, shop together, pray together, carry each other’s burdens, have family outings together, the ones that call me and I don’t just call them, the one’s that push me out of my comfort zone, the one’s that understand my family comes first, etc. You get what I mean? I will find it/them this year, because it has been a prayer of mine and I know God wants me and us to have that community here.
Lastly, but most certainly not least, a goal of mine is to learn how to become or just become better friends with my family. Let’s see if I can explain this. My family is one that is very very close. I would do anything for family. In years recent my brothers have gotten married and I love their wives. I don’t feel as though we are truly friends though, yet. These things take time. Just because you marry into something doesn’t mean you are automatically best friends. That’s ok. But my goal this year is to work on those friendship relationships. I also want to work on this with my brothers.
One brother and I had a rough go at it for a bit. One of the reasons, among many I’m sure I don’t even know, was when I was younger. I distinctly remember not wanting to hug him in front of friends because it was lame. You want to know what was lame? My attitude and stance on this at the time. That relationship is one that will last through my lifetime and most of those friendships from my middle school years are long gone. This is a regret I have held with me for years. He is an incredible man and he doesn’t need my approval or acceptance, I know this. And honestly, we don’t have a bad relationship. But, by the time I was old enough to really understand the err in my ways, he was old enough to shun me. Then we both went off to college and had our own lives. It’s truly sad when I think about the years I missed out on with him. Maybe he doesn’t feel this way fully. Maybe it’s just me as a person that feels these regrets. Either way, I’m bound and determined to make these relationships a priority and make each of them feel known and loved. I want all four of them to know they have a friend and sister in me.
We all truly do care for one another. My other brother and I were at home while I was in college and he was in high school. That relationship was nurtured during that time. Of course things have changed throughout the years but I don’t carry guilt around with me for that relationship. Beyond that, at some point I’m going to have to realize that I was an idiot of a teenager to ever push a brother aside. They are both some of my best friends and relationships that I will never take for granted. My goal is to just get to know their wives better. Guys like them don’t marry wives that are just ok. They marry extraordinary people that I WANT to know and be friends with-not just an in-law.
Just know that if you have relationships that need to be repaired, redeemed, or just worked on, it is totally possible. It’s never too late to try. There are some people in your life that are worth fighting for. Or less dramatically, just worth getting coffee with and chit chatting. If there is someone that has been on your mind or someone that you want to get to know better- go for it this year. Don’t stand around and wait for them to come to you.